Book: 7 Things to Anticipate If You’re Planning to Leave An Abusive Relationship with a Narcissist

Expectations are no longer an option once you began to separate yourself from a narcissist. The best way to not be disappointed or upset is to have no positive expectations of them at all and try to turn off your emotions to avoid taking their behavior personally.

Their behavior will change in a way that you don’t recognize. They may have shown signs during the relationship and may have made certain promises of what they definitely would not do to you if things got tough but it’s a lie and they love-bomb to keep you around. Their narcissistic supply needs to continually be fed and therefore, they will not easily let go. The narcissistic relationship is not about love, consideration of you or your needs or concerns. As you may have experienced and realized by now, the relationship has been about them and what they wanted from you and others around them.

Now that you’ve seen and been shocked by the outrageous things they’ll say and their emotionally aggressive behavior on the other side of your pulling away, you likely see them under a different light. You probably have already begun to connect the dots of how their manipulation constantly shifts things in their favor.

Here are 7 Things to Expect When Breaking Up With a Narcissist:

1. Expect them to continue doing what works best for them.
2. Expect them to want you also to do what’s best for them.
3. Expect them to get upset when you deny them in any way.
4. Expect them to get angry when you create boundaries and say ‘no.’ You will need to learn to say ‘no’ more often but don’t move your boundary because they don’t respect it. Stand firm and hold to it. The boundary is only a problem for those that don’t respect it. They will accuse you of not keeping your promises or being selfish because you won’t tend to their needs, wishes, or wants.
5. Expect them to say mean and hateful things, cause you harm, cause chaos, gaslight, project, and accuse you of not contributing to positive resolutions. They don’t want peace or resolution. Both those ideals cancel their existence in your world when leaving a narcissist.

6. Expect them to launch a smear campaign, calling and having conversations with your family, friends, and anyone close to you. They want to get out in front and convince your loved ones that everything, including the demise of the relationship, was your fault. They want to charm your loved ones and play the victim. They will tell others it’s you who’ve been the horrible abusive partner in the relationship and that they are so “concerned for and worried about you.” They will work hard to turn your community against you. It’s worked on many occasions for them and they don’t see a need to stop now. In fact, expect them to intensify their attack.

They create situations and chaos and then expect you to get in the mix. They want you to dive in. When you refuse, when you say no,  they later say that you’re being resistant to the resolution or you’re not “doing your part.” It’s straight up gaslighting. It makes your mind crazy but it’s their ultimate goal to keep you engaged and under their control. Disengage and remember the importance of your own internal peace.

7. Expect them to continue being a narcissist. They don’t often change, nor do they believe they should.