When things are good or when you’re having what seems like a good day in a toxic relationship, your brain compartmentalizes the sum of the relationship, whether personal or professional, and you forget that it’s in fact toxic.
When your abuser is being nice and decent, behaving in public, especially in front of others who know you both, it’s important to remember what’s happening–that they’re not being nice because they care about treating you well, they’re being nice because it makes them look good in front of others. Others begin to question whether or not you’re telling the truth because they ‘seem so nice’ and ‘they’re so charming and charismatic.’ Behind closed doors, your reality in relationship with a master manipulator is less than picture perfect. Your reality is living in a state of fight, waiting to play defense when they peel their mask, flight in trying to get away from it all.
When they’re being decent, you sometimes forget you were trying to leave in the first place. When they’re faking it in front of others, you sometimes doubt whether or not you should leave and you forget, at one point, that you decided you were done. But how much more can one take before the break?
The truth is, the good day is frozen in that moment and for them it’s a moment that was not meant to last. The moment was meant to serve one purpose, to maintain control in every aspect they’re allowed, to keep you frozen in the relationship, to push the boundary a bit further out and to keep you under their heel. Thumbs aren’t big enough for the all the ways they want to crush your lungs so you can’t breathe or speak loud enough to save yourself.
Good days are not consistent in toxic relationships and you may often stop and think, ‘maybe it’s not so bad and maybe I can stay a little longer.’ Good days are not consistent in toxic relationships and you have to be brave enough to break–the toxic cycle.
